It is hard enough being a parent at the best of times. There are so many matters to consider when it comes to our children’s physical and emotional well-being. Now Covid-19 has presented us with a massive curveball for which we were unprepared. Spare a thought, then, for the many mums and dads who are feeling anxious and if you were not suffering from parental anxiety before, you may well be now. Anxiety is a feeling of unease or inner tension that is commonly experienced as fear or worry. A person can experience mild, moderate, or severe anxiety. It is normal to feel anxious from time to time. For example, a person may feel anxious before having a job interview or giving a speech. This form of anxiety is something that most people can identify with. So, what is parental anxiety and how does it manifest itself? Parental anxiety is when a parent worries excessively about their child’s safety and well-being. Of course, it is only natural to be concerned about these things but when it reaches the stage that a parent just cannot stop worrying about their child, then there is a problem. The main thing to understand about anxiety is that it can stop us from doing things. It evokes a powerful fear response in what is known as the primitive part of our brain (our fight, flight or freeze response). Commonly, this paralyses us emotionally, preventing us from doing the fear-inducing activity. Instead of facing the fear, a person avoids it. When it is parental anxiety, it can be passed from the parent to the child so that the child learns to be anxious about whatever the parent is worried about. Consequently, the child’s natural curiosity and ability to learn for themselves becomes inhibited. Anxiety in parents and children may have peaked at the beginning of lockdown but for many it has not gone away. In fact, many parents may be experiencing increased anxiety about their children returning to school or nursery. Although the current spike in the Covid-19 epidemic is waning, we have been warned by the government to be “alert” so the fear remains that the “R” rate could rise again and we could find ourselves and our children at an increased risk of infection. How do we navigate our way through these uncertain times and manage our concerns about sending our children back into educational or childcare settings? The fact is, there is no easy answer and increased parental anxiety at this time is normal and to be expected. The following tips may be helpful: Listen to some of the expert advice but try not to listen to too many different experts. Weigh up the options then try to go with your gut feeling. Do not overload your brain with too much information because that could leave you feeling overwhelmed and mentally exhausted. Take some time out to clear your mind if you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Many parents have had their children at home for over 12 weeks now and that is beginning to take its toll. We cannot make good decisions when we are feeling stressed, tired, or hungry. Once you have decided whether or whenever to send your child back to school, try to stick with your decision. It is important to provide children with a clear message and boundaries. This helps children to feel safe and secure. Be aware that older children may have their own opinions and thoughts about returning to school. Engage them in the conversation and allow them to express their concerns. Whatever your worries about your child returning to school, they will be in safe hands. Schools are working hard to ensure that they an implement social distancing safely. Try to come across as calm and reassuring. If you appear calm and matter of fact, then your child will be less likely to feel stressed or anxious. Be aware that following several weeks at home, younger children may be prone to separation anxiety. Your child may appear clingy and unwilling to leave your side, fearful of being away from you and the familiar home environment. If this happens, inform your child’s form teacher about it. Often schools can help with this kind of behaviour. You can help by reassuring your child that you will be thinking about them during the school day and looking forward to picking them up at home time. Many children are looking forward to returning to school and seeing their classmates or doing their favourite activities. You will need to make your child aware that things may be different, as children could be organised into “social bubbles” that may not include their friends. Some of the lessons or activities they previously enjoyed may not be on the curriculum. Your child’s school will advise you about how they are managing the situation. Be positive about the many good things about being able to go back to school and support your child by answering any questions they may have or any fears they may wish to express. We are in a situation that is fluid. Things change from one week to the next. Learning to cope with uncertainty in life is a useful life skill for all of us whatever our age. Fortunately, human beings are adaptable and the young even more so. If you are struggling with stress or anxiety, including parental anxiety, do get in touch: Email: td@tracydanielstherapies.co.uk Mobile: 07856 201869 Message: www.facebook.com/TracyDanielsTherapies This article can also be found at: https://magazines.raring2go.co.uk/bournemouth/summer/ © Copyright Tracy Daniels 2020 | All Rights Reserved
1 Comment
I know it is a cliché to say that being a parent is the toughest job in the world, but it’s true! No other role is more challenging, rewarding, demanding, heart-breaking or satisfying than being a parent. It brings a range of strong, powerful emotions and sometimes it can be overwhelming. Today is Global Day of Parents, as declared by the United Nations in honour of parents throughout the world - a day when we recognise that the family, however it is constructed, has the main responsibility for raising children. Parents usually play the most significant role in a child’s life. Not just nurturing and looking after children in practical ways but teaching children about rules, values and what is and it not acceptable behaviour within the family unit and within society in general. Many sociological and psychological studies of the family have examined this in detail and there are numerous books about parenting on the market. I do not wish to advise anyone about parenting but simply to recognise the importance of parents in a child’s life on this day. This role with all its challenges is even more important and even more difficult now as we experience the COVID-19 pandemic! The stresses and strains of parenting are even greater as mums and dads are faced with so many issues and challenges:
I am aware that there are many exhausted mums and dads out there, especially those who are single parents. I feel for you. Please look after yourselves. It isn’t selfish to do that - if you can possibly take some time out for you own well being then you will be in a better position to care for your children. We all need a little bit of time to rest, relax and re-charge our bodies and most importantly, our minds. As a Clinical Solution Focused Hypnotherapist, I teach all my clients about what is known as “The 3 P’s.” Namely, Positive Interaction, Positive Action and Positive Thought. Some ideas for integrating these into your life could include:
Finally, don’t forget to give yourself a pat on the back. You are amazing! You’re there for your children, day after day. Try not to knock yourself down when things go wrong, which will always happen from time to time. Build yourself up and know that you are doing the best you can in difficult and unprecedented circumstances. If you find yourself struggling with anxiety including parental anxiety, health anxiety or any other form of anxiety, I am an experienced Clinical Solution Focused Hypnotherapist and mindfulness teacher with many years’ experience of using hypnotherapy or mindfulness to help people cope with anxiety and stress. I teach clients how to relax deeply, re-wire their brains by changing their thought patterns and move forward in life towards their desired future. Email: td@tracydanielstherapies.co.uk Mobile: 07856201869 Message: www.facebook.com/TracyDanielsTherapies © Copyright Tracy Daniels 2020 | All Rights Reserved Many parents and children are feeling more anxious and our mood may have declined. We have been faced with a threat to our survival and we are unable to engage in many of the positive social activities that we enjoy. Not only are we affected as adults, but our children are affected too, perhaps more than we may realise. Lockdown restrictions are being eased, but it could be quite some time before life returns to anything resembling normal and our children are able to return to school or play in groups with their friends. Briefly, here are a few tips that you could use to help children cope: Keep talking to your child about the situation and provide them with the basic facts. Try to find out what they are thinking. It is important to fill in any gaps in their understanding. Children can pick up information that is incorrect, misleading and fear inducing. If your child is asking questions, then try to deal with them. Do not go into too much detail but try to allay any fears and provide realistic reassurance. Be mindful of your own behaviour. We can underestimate our children’s understanding and sensitivity to our emotions. Children instinctively pick up on our feelings, noticing things such as our tone of voice, facial expressions and body language. They look to us to assess the extent to which a situation is safe or dangerous. A calm, rational adult who can maintain a reassuring manner is what children need. Sometimes we have to fake it! Coping with children being off school for a prolonged period is not easy. What can you do?
Finally, nothing lasts forever, and this too shall pass. Remind yourself and your children that eventually the situation will improve. Try to be optimistic. © Copyright Tracy Daniels 2020 | All Rights Reserved ![]() This is an amalgamation of my recent posts about how to cope with lockdown. It also covers general tips for maintaining good mental health in any circumstances. Maintain a routine Maintaining a routine is important for your health. Our brains are hard-wired to expect our routines to continue. When those routines are disrupted it can be very confusing. You may have established a new routine and that is fine, if it works well for you. However, if you are lacking a routine then I suggest trying to outline some sort of structure to your day. I like to write things down, so I find it helpful to make a note each night of the things that I would like to do during the next day and to prioritise them. This provides a framework with which to structure the day ahead. Try to maintain a routine of getting up at a similar time each morning, getting washed and dressed, having regular mealtimes, established times for work or chores, regular times for exercise, relaxation and most importantly sleep. This is helpful because it helps you to stay calm, in control, and reduce feelings of anxiety and low mood. ![]() Connect with positive people Be aware of negative people. You know who they are – the ones who are always moaning and the complaining. They are obviously feeling low, but their negativity is almost as contagious as the corona virus itself! Being in the company of negative people will lower your mood, increase your anxiety and make you feel even worse about the current situation. If possible, take yourself away from these people, whether they are in direct contact with you, or online via social media. Instead, try to seek out the company of people who are positive, helpful and optimistic. If you are unable to do this, then you could read an entertaining book or try to watch programmes or listen to broadcasts that are calming and uplifting. ![]() Make your home a sanctuary There are many therapeutic benefits to making your home comfortable and attractive. Not only does this create a more pleasant environment in which to live but it can also lift your mood and help you to feel calm and relaxed. As we are all spending more time at home during lockdown, this could be an opportunity to do something positive by doing whatever you can to make your home a pleasing and comfortable place. I have been busy spring cleaning and decluttering recently and it’s very satisfying to see the difference in my own home. My therapy room is looking lovely but alas I can only see clients online via Zoom for the time being. ![]() Do some gardening If you are fortunate enough to have a garden, then gardening is an activity that has a surprising number of health benefits. It’s definitely one of my main therapeutic activities for self-care for the following reasons:
![]() Exercise Exercise is a great way to manage stress and look after your mental health. The wonderful thing about exercise is that it releases chemicals within the brain that help you to feel positive, uplifted and motivated. These chemicals (neurotransmitters) include endorphins, dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin. These brain chemicals play an important part in regulating your mood. Exercise has numerous benefits for your physical and mental health. Here are just a few of them:
![]() Practise patience As we enter the eighth week of lockdown some people may be feeling impatient and frustrated about the current situation, wanting to get back to their normal way of life. This is perfectly understandable and normal. However, our lives remain on hold to a large extent, so dwelling on those feelings is only going to make them expand in our minds. This will not help us to cope effectively. In fact, it will make us feel more stressed. If you’re feeling like this, then see if you can try to turn things around by focusing instead on what is working for you. They say, “Patience is a virtue.” Perhaps it is, but it’s also a life skill, in my opinion; something that we can learn, that we can cultivate within ourselves through consistent practice. I find mindfulness meditation and gardening helps me to practise patience. I wonder if you could find something that could help you? It could be a form of exercise, a meditative practice, a hobby or interest, an activity such as angling or bird watching – anything that enables you to connect with a sense of stillness and inner calm. Remember, nothing lasts forever, and this too shall pass. Finally, If you are finding it difficult to cope do please get in touch with me. I am offering hypnotherapy and talking therapy online via Zoom. These online sessions can be just as effective as face to face sessions and I provide easy instructions to get you started with Zoom (which is free to use). Tel. 07856 201869 Email: td@tracydanielstherapies.co.uk © Copyright Tracy Daniels 2020 | All Rights Reserved Why do we fail with our New Year Resolutions and what can we do about it?
Christmas is over and we are already a month into the New Year. Resolutions have been made and some of us have hit the point at which we’re struggling to maintain our resolutions. It's important to recognise that personal change is not easy for most people and of course it requires motivation, commitment and perseverance. Our brains are wired for gratification and if that gratification is delayed our motivation can fall away. At some point you will have contemplated and identified your goal and decided that you are ready to change your behaviour with some awareness of the barriers that make that difficult. You will have prepared yourself and will have started to successfully implement your plan for achieving your goal, only to find that after a good start your motivation begins to wane and you fall back into old patterns of behaviour. So, what can you do about this? For a start, don’t beat yourself up about it! You’re only human and it’s okay to slip up sometimes. Let’s re-frame the thinking that is applied to a notion of failure: Instead of saying to yourself, “This is hopeless. I will never achieve my goal,” try to think something along the lines of, “Okay, so I slipped up yesterday but today is a new day and another opportunity to get things right.” Imagine that you’re pressing a reset button in your mind. Often people are unable to achieve their goals because they have not fully prepared themselves at the initial stage. Laying a solid foundation for change in ourselves is essential. This could involve the following activities:
Once you have a good foundation in place it is time to put your plan into action. At this stage it is useful to think about how you may reward yourself as you begin to reach your targets. For example, if you have managed to lose a kilogram in weight, how are you going to reward yourself for that achievement? It wouldn’t be a good idea to treat yourself with food, but you could treat yourself to a healthy activity that you enjoy. Consider putting some strategies into place for occasions when you might feel tempted. Again, if you are trying to lose weight and you are going out for dinner, you could look at the menu online in advance and decide what would be the healthiest option beforehand, thereby minimising the risk of a spur of the moment decision to make a less healthy choice. Do you know that it is normal to fail in achieving our goals? Success often requires several attempts. Most people will relapse into well-established patterns of behaviour because our brains are “hard wired” in that way. If we want to change, we need to develop and reinforce the desired behaviour repetitively in order to form new neural pathways. Unfortunately, many people become so disappointed and frustrated with themselves that they just “throw in the towel.” Don’t give up! This can be a learning opportunity; a time to review your progress so far, evaluate what worked for you, where you went wrong and consider if anything needs adjusting. Was there something that triggered your relapse? What could you do differently next time? Take some time to remind yourself of the steps taken in the planning stage and see if any improvements could be made. What steps could be taken to avoid a relapse in the future? If planning and reviewing progress is something that you find difficult then I can help you with that process. As a former SEN lecturer, I am adept at action planning and breaking goals down into smaller, achievable targets. Solution Focused Hypnotherapy is another modality that I use to help people rewire their brains and make desirable changes in their lives. Finally, please be kind to yourself. A little self-compassion can go a long way. Keep going. Every time you fall back, pick yourself up again with your goal clearly in sight. A Chinese proverb that I use to motivate myself is, “The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.” © Copyright Tracy Daniels 2020 | All Rights Reserved Today is World Mental Health Day. Mental health is such an important aspect of my life personally, as a carer and in a professional role as hypnotherapist and mindfulness teacher. I feel passionate about mental health and the need to reduce the stigma and prejudice associated with mental illness. Sadly, many people are fearful about discussing their mental health struggles yet 1 in 4 of us will experience a mental health problem at some point in our lives. For the benefit of anyone experiencing difficulties at the moment, I have listed 5 ways in which you can take care of your emotional health and well-being:
© Copyright Tracy Daniels 2019 | All Rights Reserved This is Children’s Mental Health Awareness Week. More than 850,000 children and young people in the UK have been diagnosed with a mental health problem. For personal reasons, this is a matter very close to my heart – something that has had a huge impact upon my family life across two generations. The fact is for many people mental health problems begin in childhood and adolescence. Too often these problems go unnoticed or misunderstood until the child reaches crisis point.
Often what is mistaken as “bad” behaviour is actually a manifestation of a child’s state of internal distress. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes children are just plain naughty, but if there is a consistent pattern of unacceptable or unusual behaviour then something may be wrong in the child’s inner world. Younger children don’t have the vocabulary and the emotional maturity to realise that there is a problem, so often they just “act out” their feelings. Older children and adolescents may also find it difficult to vocalise their feelings and some tend to “bottle things up” or to become withdrawn. Many people don’t realise that children are just like adults in as much as they experience a vast range of emotions and may be prone to depression, anxiety or mood disorders as well as other problems. Unfortunately children are less well equipped than adults to process their emotions and they may end up feeling overwhelmed. Headaches and tummy aches are common ways in which physical symptoms are the expression of an emotional problem such as bullying or separation anxiety. Children and young people nowadays have to deal with a great deal of pressure; to conform to parents’ and teachers’ expectations to achieve good grades, to look good, to deal with social media and present a certain image to their peers. For sensitive children it may be just all too much. Sadly, bullying is another common problem which can cause long term health problems. Bullying can actually cause neurobiological changes in the expression of a gene linked to mood, predisposing victims to mental health problems as they get older. Worse still, it may lead to suicidal thoughts and suicidal attempts. Depression affects every aspect of a young person’s life including self-esteem and self-confidence, friendships and relationships, academic achievement and employment prospects. All too often children’s mental health is overlooked. Yet mental health problems affect 1 in 4 people every year. Modern life is so busy and we’re all just getting on with things. We expect our children to do the same, but sometimes they just can’t manage it. There is a stigma associated with mental health problems making it difficult for parents and children to open up and ask for help. As a nation our level of “emotional literacy” could be better, but things are improving and the stigma associated with mental health problems is beginning to diminish. If you are concerned about your child’s emotional state and behaviour, don’t struggle on alone; don’t be afraid to seek help. I work with parents to help them cope with parental stress and anxiety and I work with children and young people to help them to cope with whatever is bothering them. Do get in touch if you are worried about a child. I hold a valid DBS Certificate and I am a qualified teacher and SEN lecturer trained in counselling, as well as being a hypnotherapist. If for any reason I think that I would be unable to help your child, I would signpost you to the appropriate services. © Tracy Daniels and rainbowhypnotherapy.co.uk, 2016 – 2017. Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to Tracy Daniels and rainbowhypnotherapy.co.uk with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. Earlier this week following a hypnotherapy session one of my clients said to me “More people ought to give this a try!” My response was “If only they would!”
Many people fear hypnosis thinking that they might lose control or lose consciousness. Sadly many people have misconceptions about hypnosis, often confusing therapeutic hypnosis with stage hypnosis. The fact is that inducing hypnosis is not something that can be “done” to someone else. As a therapist I play my part in helping the client to use his or her own ability to enter into a state of trance and this can only be done with the co-operation of the client. I am not able to influence the client without the client’s consent. The state of trance is quite ordinary in many ways. We enter into that state in doing our everyday activities without even being consciously aware that we are doing that. When our attention becomes focused in a very narrow way to the extent that we “zone out” everything else that is going on around us, then we have entered into trance. Imagine when you are so engrossed in reading a book or watching a television programme that you just do not notice when someone has started to talk to you. By inducing a state of hypnosis I am able to help your subconscious mind take over from your conscious mind. In this way I enable you to allow a perception of events into your subconscious in a manner that has been altered to suit your particular needs e.g. to overcome a fear or a phobia. The combination of hypnosis with the solution focused therapeutic approach enables me to support the client by utilising his or her inner subconscious resources. By accessing these resources I am able to influence the client (with the client’s consent) through suggestion in different ways which would be beneficial and positive. For instance, I may use direct or indirect suggestion or I may use guided imagery to help the client make desired changes for positive outcomes. One thing all of my clients express following a session of hypnotherapy with me is a statement of how lovely and relaxing they find the treatment. Often I observe my clients slowly and reluctantly disembark from my treatment table. It was at that stage the other day when my client exclaimed, ““More people ought to give this a try!” The question is, “Would you?” © Tracy Daniels and rainbowhypnotherapy.co.uk, 2016 – 2017. Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to Tracy Daniels and rainbowhypnotherapy.co.uk with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. And why I love neuroscience.
I love my work! I consider myself very fortunate that I am able to do a job that brings me immense job satisfaction. Throughout my entire, somewhat lengthy career, I have always worked in the caring professions. Working with people comes naturally to me and what motivates me is making a difference to people’s lives. Working as a Solution Focused Hypnotherapist suits my personality in many ways. I have a practical mind and a positive, problem solving approach to just about everything! Like many of my clients I have encountered some very difficult and challenging life experiences. I think it is because my life has not been easy that I am able to empathise with my clients and show them the compassion and understanding that they need. It means so much to have someone to talk to who truly understands what you are going through; someone who won’t judge you in any way and who is open-minded. Solution Focused Hypnotherapy is partly informed by recent developments in neuroscience, which is the study of how the brain works. I have studied neuroscience as part of my hypnotherapy training and in much greater depth as part of my professional mindfulness practitioner training. It certainly helps me to have this firm grounding in neuroscience which enables me to impart knowledge and understanding to my clients. As you learn more and more from me about how your brain works in relation to what is going on in your life and the problems or challenges that you are encountering, you will gain a greater insight into yourself as a human being. Understanding of oneself and insight into one’s own behaviour can be tremendously empowering. That’s what I seek to do; to empower you, to help you feel that you are in control of your life, your behaviour and how you think about your situation. Regaining control of one’s life is a wonderful feeling and that is the change that I am able to help you with. That’s what makes my work so wonderfully rewarding. When a client completes their treatment and leaves my clinic feeling ready to face the world again, able to smile again, confident and self-assured then I absolutely know that this is a job worth doing! © Tracy Daniels and rainbowhypnotherapy.co.uk, 2016 – 2017. Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided that full and clear credit is given to Tracy Daniels and rainbowhypnotherapy.co.uk with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. |
Tracy Daniels
Archives
December 2021
Categories |
Location |
|