​​It is hard enough being a parent at the best of times. There are so many matters to consider when it comes to our children’s physical and emotional well-being. Now Covid-19 has presented us with a massive curveball for which we were unprepared.

Spare a thought, then, for the many mums and dads who are feeling anxious and if you were not suffering from parental anxiety before, you may well be now. Anxiety is a feeling of unease or inner tension that is commonly experienced as fear or worry. A person can experience mild, moderate, or severe anxiety. It is normal to feel anxious from time to time. For example, a person may feel anxious before having a job interview or giving a speech. This form of anxiety is something that most people can identify with.

So, what is parental anxiety and how does it manifest itself? Parental anxiety is when a parent worries excessively about their child’s safety and well-being. Of course, it is only natural to be concerned about these things but when it reaches the stage that a parent just cannot stop worrying about their child, then there is a problem.

The main thing to understand about anxiety is that it can stop us from doing things. It evokes a powerful fear response in what is known as the primitive part of our brain (our fight, flight or freeze response). Commonly, this paralyses us emotionally, preventing us from doing the fear-inducing activity. Instead of facing the fear, a person avoids it. When it is parental anxiety, it can be passed from the parent to the child so that the child learns to be anxious about whatever the parent is worried about. Consequently, the child’s natural curiosity and ability to learn for themselves becomes inhibited.

Anxiety in parents and children may have peaked at the beginning of lockdown but for many it has not gone away. In fact, many parents may be experiencing increased anxiety about their children returning to school or nursery. Although the current spike in the Covid-19 epidemic is waning, we have been warned by the government to be “alert”  so the fear remains that the “R” rate could rise again and we could find ourselves and our children at an increased risk of infection.

How do we navigate our way through these uncertain times and manage our concerns about sending our children back into educational or childcare settings? The fact is, there is no easy answer and increased parental anxiety at this time is normal and to be expected. The following tips may be helpful:

Listen to some of the expert advice but try not to listen to too many different experts. Weigh up the options then try to go with your gut feeling. Do not overload your brain with too much information because that could leave you feeling overwhelmed and mentally exhausted.

Take some time out to clear your mind if you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Many parents have had their children at home for over 12 weeks now and that is beginning to take its toll. We cannot make good decisions when we are feeling stressed, tired, or hungry.

Once you have decided whether or whenever to send your child back to school, try to stick with your decision. It is important to provide children with a clear message and boundaries. This helps children to feel safe and secure.

Be aware that older children may have their own opinions and thoughts about returning to school. Engage them in the conversation and allow them to express their concerns.

Whatever your worries about your child returning to school, they will be in safe hands. Schools are working hard to ensure that they an implement social distancing safely.

Try to come across as calm and reassuring. If you appear calm and matter of fact, then your child will be less likely to feel stressed or anxious.

Be aware that following several weeks at home, younger children may be prone to separation anxiety. Your child may appear clingy and unwilling to leave your side, fearful of being away from you and the familiar home environment. If this happens, inform your child’s form teacher about it. Often schools can help with this kind of behaviour. You can help by reassuring your child that you will be thinking about them during the school day and looking forward to picking them up at home time.

Many children are looking forward to returning to school and seeing their classmates or doing their favourite activities. You will need to make your child aware that things may be different, as children could be organised into “social bubbles” that may not include their friends. Some of the lessons or activities they previously enjoyed may not be on the curriculum. Your child’s school will advise you about how they are managing the situation.

Be positive about the many good things about being able to go back to school and support your child by answering any questions they may have or any fears they may wish to express.
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We are in a situation that is fluid. Things change from one week to the next. Learning to cope with uncertainty in life is a useful life skill for all of us whatever our age. Fortunately, human beings are adaptable and the young even more so.

If you are struggling with stress or anxiety, including parental anxiety, do get in touch:

Email: td@tracydanielstherapies.co.uk
Mobile: 07856 201869
Message: www.facebook.com/TracyDanielsTherapies

This article can also be found at: 
https://magazines.raring2go.co.uk/bournemouth/summer/
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© Copyright Tracy Daniels 2020 |  All Rights Reserved

​I know it is a cliché to say that being a parent is the toughest job in the world, but it’s true! No other role is more challenging, rewarding, demanding, heart-breaking or satisfying than being a parent. It brings a range of strong, powerful emotions and sometimes it can be overwhelming.

Today is Global Day of Parents, as declared by the United Nations in honour of parents throughout the world - a day when we recognise that the family, however it is constructed, has the main responsibility for raising children.

Parents usually play the most significant role in a child’s life. Not just nurturing and looking after children in practical ways but teaching children about rules, values and what is and it not acceptable behaviour within the family unit and within society in general. Many sociological and psychological studies of the family have examined this in detail and there are numerous books about parenting on the market. I do not wish to advise anyone about parenting but simply to recognise the importance of parents in a child’s life on this day.

This role with all its challenges is even more important and even more difficult now as we experience the COVID-19 pandemic! The stresses and strains of parenting are even greater as mums and dads are faced with so many issues and challenges:

• Deciding whether to send their children to school or continue to keep them at home.
• Maintaining a work-life balance especially when there are young children in need of attention and parents need to work from home.
• Dealing with uncertainty about income and job security.
• Coping with financial pressures and worries.
• Becoming home educators overnight.
• Managing children’s difficult behaviour because children may be feeling bored or fractious after weeks of being stuck at home away from their friends and the familiar routine of school.
• Worrying about their own health or their child’s health if they have a pre-existing health condition or the need to socially shield.
• Caring for other family members including the grandparents.
• Struggling with the symptoms of anxiety, low mood, depression, or other more serious mental health conditions which may have worsened because of the stress cause by the current crisis.
• Not sleeping well because of increased stress which in turn makes the demands of childcare more onerous.
• Trying to maintain a semblance of normality when nothing is normal anymore.

I am aware that there are many exhausted mums and dads out there, especially those who are single parents. I feel for you. Please look after yourselves. It isn’t selfish to do that - if you can possibly take some time out for you own well being then you will be in a better position to care for your children. We all need a little bit of time to rest, relax and re-charge our bodies and most importantly, our minds.

As a Clinical Solution Focused Hypnotherapist, I teach all my clients about what is known as “The 3 P’s.” Namely, Positive Interaction, Positive Action and Positive Thought. Some ideas for integrating these into your life could include: 

• Contacting a friend or loved one for a chat, socially distanced walk or online coffee morning. (Positive Interaction).
• Keeping in touch with trusted friends via social media and sharing tips for parenting. (Positive Interaction).
• Getting out in the fresh air and engaging in physical activity will help to lift your mood. (Positive Action).
• Encouraging the older children to help with the cooking, housework or DIY jobs. These are useful life skills. (Positive Action).
• Keeping a journal (just a notebook would do) to note the positive things that have happened at the end of each day. So often, we focus on what has gone wrong in life and fail to notice the good things; what is working, what is going right for us and our families. (Positive Thought).
• Reminding yourself that the most important thing in life is the love that you have for your children. It’s helpful to do this when they’re testing you to the limit. Take a moment, take a long, soothing deep breath and know that “This too shall pass.”
• Reward yourself in a safe and healthy way. It could be a long soak in the bath, making time to sit out on a sun-lounger and read a favourite book, going for a walk, run or cycle ride – whatever pleases you, do it! Psychologically, we need to reward ourselves from time to time. It helps us to keep motivated and hang on in there.

Finally, don’t forget to give yourself a pat on the back. You are amazing! You’re there for your children, day after day. Try not to knock yourself down when things go wrong, which will always happen from time to time. Build yourself up and know that you are doing the best you can in difficult and unprecedented circumstances.
 
If you find yourself struggling with anxiety including parental anxiety, health anxiety or any other form of anxiety, I am an experienced Clinical Solution Focused Hypnotherapist and mindfulness teacher with many years’ experience of using hypnotherapy or mindfulness to help people cope with anxiety and stress. I teach clients how to relax deeply, re-wire their brains by changing their thought patterns and move forward in life towards their desired future.

Email: td@tracydanielstherapies.co.uk
Mobile: 07856201869
Message: www.facebook.com/TracyDanielsTherapies
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© Copyright Tracy Daniels 2020 |  All Rights Reserved

Many parents and children are feeling more anxious and our mood may have declined. We have been faced with a threat to our survival and we are unable to engage in many of the positive social activities that we enjoy. Not only are we affected as adults, but our children are affected too, perhaps more than we may realise.

Lockdown restrictions are being eased, but it could be quite some time before life returns to anything resembling normal and our children are able to return to school or play in groups with their friends. Briefly, here are a few tips that you could use to help children cope:

Keep talking to your child about the situation and provide them with the basic facts.

Try to find out what they are thinking. It is important to fill in any gaps in their understanding. Children can pick up information that is incorrect, misleading and fear inducing.

If your child is asking questions, then try to deal with them. Do not go into too much detail but try to allay any fears and provide realistic reassurance.

Be mindful of your own behaviour. We can underestimate our children’s understanding and sensitivity to our emotions. Children instinctively pick up on our feelings, noticing things such as our tone of voice, facial expressions and body language. They look to us to assess the extent to which a situation is safe or dangerous. A calm, rational adult who can maintain a reassuring manner is what children need. Sometimes we have to fake it!

Coping with children being off school for a prolonged period is not easy. What can you do?

• Try to create some structure to the day and as much as possible put a routine in place. Our brains like structure and routine. It helps us to feel safe and secure.
• It is important to maintain a balance between work and play both for yourself and for your children. Not only do children learn through play, it will help them to release any feelings of stress or anxiety that they are experiencing.
• Children are inventive, so it is likely that they will come up with suggestions for how they can maintain social contact with their friends. By taking the necessary and important steps to ensure your children are safe online, it is possible for them to stay in touch with each other.
• Share time engaging in practical life skills such as cooking, gardening, housework, budgeting and planning.
• Try to reframe this as an opportunity to connect with your children and spend quality time together. 

Finally, nothing lasts forever, and this too shall pass. Remind yourself and your children that eventually the situation will improve. Try to be optimistic.

​© Copyright Tracy Daniels 2020 |  All Rights Reserved

​This is an amalgamation of my recent posts about how to cope with lockdown. It also covers general tips for maintaining good mental health in any circumstances. 
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Maintain a routine
Maintaining a routine is important for your health. Our brains are hard-wired to expect our routines to continue. When those routines are disrupted it can be very confusing. You may have established a new routine and that is fine, if it works well for you. However, if you are lacking a routine then I suggest trying to outline some sort of structure to your day. I like to write things down, so I find it helpful to make a note each night of the things that I would like to do during the next day and to prioritise them. This provides a framework with which to structure the day ahead.
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Try to maintain a routine of getting up at a similar time each morning, getting washed and dressed, having regular mealtimes, established times for work or chores, regular times for exercise, relaxation and most importantly sleep. This is helpful because it helps you to stay calm, in control, and reduce feelings of anxiety and low mood.

Connect with positive people
Be aware of negative people. You know who they are – the ones who are always moaning and the complaining. They are obviously feeling low, but their negativity is almost as contagious as the corona virus itself! Being in the company of negative people will lower your mood, increase your anxiety and make you feel even worse about the current situation. If possible, take yourself away from these people, whether they are in direct contact with you, or online via social media. Instead, try to seek out the company of people who are positive, helpful and optimistic. If you are unable to do this, then you could read an entertaining book or try to watch programmes or listen to broadcasts that are calming and uplifting. ​

Make your home a sanctuary
There are many therapeutic benefits to making your home comfortable and attractive. Not only does this create a more pleasant environment in which to live but it can also lift your mood and help you to feel calm and relaxed. As we are all spending more time at home during lockdown, this could be an opportunity to do something positive by doing whatever you can to make your home a pleasing and comfortable place. I have been busy spring cleaning and decluttering recently and it’s very satisfying to see the difference in my own home. My therapy room is looking lovely but alas I can only see clients online via Zoom for the time being.

Do some gardening
If you are fortunate enough to have a garden, then gardening is an activity that has a surprising number of health benefits. It’s definitely one of my main therapeutic activities for self-care for the following reasons:

• Just 30 minutes of gardening can reduce stress by lowering cortisol which is the hormone associated with stress. Chronic stress is a serious health risk so doing some gardening will help to you to cope better and reduce your risk of other stress related illnesses.
• It gives you the opportunity to get outside in the fresh air and daylight thus helping your body to absorb Vitamin D. This vitamin is vital to our health because a lack of vitamin D is associated with a higher risk of sleep disturbances, poorer sleep quality and reduced sleep duration. Sleep problems in turn impact upon a person’s ability to cope with stress and can result in low mood and increased anxiety.
• It releases mind-boosting brain chemicals which help to lift mood.
• It’s fun, it’s creative and you can get a great feeling of satisfaction in admiring the fruits of your labours as you sit out and relax in the sunshine.

Exercise
Exercise is a great way to manage stress and look after your mental health. The wonderful thing about exercise is that it releases chemicals within the brain that help you to feel positive, uplifted and motivated. These chemicals (neurotransmitters) include endorphins, dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin.
These brain chemicals play an important part in regulating your mood. Exercise has numerous benefits for your physical and mental health. Here are just a few of them:

• It is a great way to reduce anxiety, depression or low mood.
• It can help you to feel better about yourself and boost your self-esteem.
• It can improve your brain function and mental alertness.
• It can help you to sleep better.
• It can provide an opportunity to get out of the house and connect with other people.
• It can lead to increased motivation and a sense of well-being.
• It helps to maintain physical health including a healthy immune system, which is vital currently.
• There is scientific evidence that that team sports, cycling, aerobics and going to the gym are associated with the biggest reductions in the number of days that people experience poor mental health.

I always suggest participating in some form of exercise - it should be something that you enjoy, although it can be fun to try different activities, if you don’t know where to start. Obviously, options are limited for the time being, but we can still find ways in which to exercise. For instance, there are online Zumba and Yoga classes. Walking, running and cycling can be done relatively easily during lockdown. (Always seek medical advice if you have not exercised before or if you feel unwell).

Practise patience
As we enter the eighth week of lockdown some people may be feeling impatient and frustrated about the current situation, wanting to get back to their normal way of life. This is perfectly understandable and normal. However, our lives remain on hold to a large extent, so dwelling on those feelings is only going to make them expand in our minds. This will not help us to    cope effectively. In fact, it will make us feel more stressed.

If you’re feeling like this, then see if you can try to turn things around by focusing instead on what is working for you. They say, “Patience is a virtue.” Perhaps it is, but it’s also a life skill, in my opinion; something that we can learn, that we can cultivate within ourselves through consistent practice. I find mindfulness meditation and gardening helps me to practise patience. I wonder if you could find something that could help you? It could be a form of exercise, a meditative practice, a hobby or interest, an activity such as angling or bird watching – anything that enables you to connect with a sense of stillness and inner calm. Remember, nothing lasts forever, and this too shall pass.

Finally, If you are finding it difficult to cope do please get in touch with me. I am offering hypnotherapy and talking therapy online via Zoom. These online sessions can be just as effective as face to face sessions and I provide easy instructions to get you started with Zoom (which is free to use).
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Tel. 07856 201869
​Email: td@tracydanielstherapies.co.uk
© Copyright Tracy Daniels 2020 |  All Rights Reserved

Why do we fail with our New Year Resolutions and what can we do about it?

Christmas is over and we are already a month into the New Year. Resolutions have been made and some of us have hit the point at which we’re struggling to maintain our resolutions.

It's important to recognise that personal change is not easy for most people and of course it requires motivation, commitment and perseverance. Our brains are wired for gratification and if that gratification is delayed our motivation can fall away.

At some point you will have contemplated and identified your goal and decided that you are ready to change your behaviour with some awareness of the barriers that make that difficult. You will have prepared yourself and will have started to successfully implement your plan for achieving your goal, only to find that after a good start your motivation begins to wane and you fall back into old patterns of behaviour. So, what can you do about this?

For a start, don’t beat yourself up about it! You’re only human and it’s okay to slip up sometimes. Let’s re-frame the thinking that is applied to a notion of failure: Instead of saying to yourself, “This is hopeless. I will never achieve my goal,” try to think something along the lines of, “Okay, so I slipped up yesterday but today is a new day and another opportunity to get things right.” Imagine that you’re pressing a reset button in your mind.

Often people are unable to achieve their goals because they have not fully prepared themselves at the initial stage. Laying a solid foundation for change in ourselves is essential. This could involve the following activities:

• Write it down. When we commit our thoughts to paper, we reinforce our intention both mentally and visually. I suggest writing out your goal on a Post-it and placing it somewhere where you know you will see it at least daily or preferably several times a day. You could upload it as an image on the screensaver of your mobile phone.
• Be clear about the barriers to change and what steps you could realistically take to overcome those barriers. For example, if eating too many biscuits is a problem and you know you simply can’t resist them then choose not to buy them anymore.
• Remind yourself of any risks associated with your current behaviour and the rationale for change.
• Prepare an action plan. It doesn’t need to be anything elaborate. In fact, the simpler and easier it is the better. Can your goal be broken down into small manageable steps?
• You could make a Pinboard of statements or images that you find motivating to help you keep on track.
• Tell other people who you know would be supportive. They will encourage you or you may find a local support group or therapist helpful.

Once you have a good foundation in place it is time to put your plan into action. At this stage it is useful to think about how you may reward yourself as you begin to reach your targets. For example, if you have managed to lose a kilogram in weight, how are you going to reward yourself for that achievement? It wouldn’t be a good idea to treat yourself with food, but you could treat yourself to a healthy activity that you enjoy.

Consider putting some strategies into place for occasions when you might feel tempted. Again, if you are trying to lose weight and you are going out for dinner, you could look at the menu online in advance and decide what would be the healthiest option beforehand, thereby minimising the risk of a spur of the moment decision to make a less healthy choice.

Do you know that it is normal to fail in achieving our goals? Success often requires several attempts. Most people will relapse into well-established patterns of behaviour because our brains are “hard wired” in that way. If we want to change, we need to develop and reinforce the desired behaviour repetitively in order to form new neural pathways. Unfortunately, many people become so disappointed and frustrated with themselves that they just “throw in the towel.” Don’t give up! This can be a learning opportunity; a time to review your progress so far, evaluate what worked for you, where you went wrong and consider if anything needs adjusting. Was there something that triggered your relapse? What could you do differently next time? Take some time to remind yourself of the steps taken in the planning stage and see if any improvements could be made. What steps could be taken to avoid a relapse in the future?

If planning and reviewing progress is something that you find difficult then I can help you with that process. As a former SEN lecturer, I am adept at action planning and breaking goals down into smaller, achievable targets. Solution Focused Hypnotherapy is another modality that I use to help people rewire their brains and make desirable changes in their lives.
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Finally, please be kind to yourself. A little self-compassion can go a long way. Keep going. Every time you fall back, pick yourself up again with your goal clearly in sight. A Chinese proverb that I use to motivate myself is, “The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.”

© Copyright Tracy Daniels 2020 |  All Rights Reserved
 
 

Today is World Mental Health Day. Mental health is such an important aspect of my life personally, as a carer and in a professional role as hypnotherapist and mindfulness teacher. I feel passionate about mental health and the need to reduce the stigma and prejudice associated with mental illness. Sadly, many people are fearful about discussing their mental health struggles yet 1 in 4 of us will experience a mental health problem at some point in our lives. For the benefit of anyone experiencing difficulties at the moment, I have listed 5 ways in which you can take care of your emotional health and well-being:

1. Acknowledge your feelings. Take some time to sit quietly and notice and observe how you are feeling. Are you feeling stressed? Are you feeling anxious? Is your mood low or are you feeling depressed? What is troubling you? Acknowledging and connecting with our feelings is the first step to taking control of them rather than feeling overwhelmed by them.
2. Prioritise self-care. Do whatever makes you feel better within yourself. When I feel stressed I need to do something physical; it might be housework, gardening or exercise. Remind yourself about something you really enjoy then make the time to do it.
3. Go for a walk and connect with nature. Walking in green, open spaces is therapeutic for mind, body and spirit. Try to connect with nature by noticing the sights and sounds in the natural environment. Autumn is a wonderful time of the year. I like to walk through piles of dry leaves on the ground and notice the sound of them crunching beneath my feet. Deeply breathe in the fresh air and imagine any worries or concerns being lifted from your shoulders as you exhale.
4. Time is a very precious resource but the most important thing we can do is to make time for ourselves. Endeavour to make time to rest mentally and reduce stimulation overload. Give your brain and your mind a break. Switch off the smartphone, laptop, PC, tablet or TV for a while and do something else instead. You may choose to spend some time in meditation, listening to some calming music, chatting to friends or family, engaging in a relaxing hobby or pastime or reading a book.
5. Talk! Don’t keep your feelings bottled up inside. Please find a trusted friend, colleague or family member to talk to about how you are feeling. If you are feeling suicidal, are experiencing suicidal thoughts or hallucinations then arrange an appointment with your GP as soon as possible or contact your local NHS mental health crisis team.

Finally, if you find it difficult to relax, to switch off mentally and you would like to do learn how to do that, then please get in touch. 
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© Copyright Tracy Daniels 2019 |  All Rights Reserved

This is Children’s Mental Health Awareness Week. More than 850,000 children and young people in the UK have been diagnosed with a mental health problem. For personal reasons, this is a matter very close to my heart – something that has had a huge impact upon my family life across two generations. The fact is for many people mental health problems begin in childhood and adolescence. Too often these problems go unnoticed or misunderstood until the child reaches crisis point.

Often what is mistaken as “bad” behaviour is actually a manifestation of a child’s state of internal distress. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes children are just plain naughty, but if there is a consistent pattern of unacceptable or unusual behaviour then something may be wrong in the child’s inner world. Younger children don’t have the vocabulary and the emotional maturity to realise that there is a problem, so often they just “act out” their feelings. Older children and adolescents may also find it difficult to vocalise their feelings and some tend to “bottle things up” or to become withdrawn.
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Many people don’t realise that children are just like adults in as much as they experience a vast range of emotions and may be prone to depression, anxiety or mood disorders as well as other problems. Unfortunately children are less well equipped than adults to process their emotions and they may end up feeling overwhelmed. Headaches and tummy aches are common ways in which physical symptoms are the expression of an emotional problem such as bullying or separation anxiety.

Children and young people nowadays have to deal with a great deal of pressure; to conform to parents’ and teachers’ expectations to achieve good grades, to look good, to deal with social media and present a certain image to their peers. For sensitive children it may be just all too much.

Sadly, bullying is another common problem which can cause long term health problems. Bullying can actually cause neurobiological changes in the expression of a gene linked to mood, predisposing victims to mental health problems as they get older. Worse still, it may lead to suicidal thoughts and suicidal attempts. Depression affects every aspect of a young person’s life including self-esteem and self-confidence, friendships and relationships, academic achievement and employment prospects.

All too often children’s mental health is overlooked. Yet mental health problems affect 1 in 4 people every year. Modern life is so busy and we’re all just getting on with things. We expect our children to do the same, but sometimes they just can’t manage it. There is a stigma associated with mental health problems making it difficult for parents and children to open up and ask for help. As a nation our level of “emotional literacy” could be better, but things are improving and the stigma associated with mental health problems is beginning to diminish.

If you are concerned about your child’s emotional state and behaviour, don’t struggle on alone; don’t be afraid to seek help. I work with parents to help them cope with parental stress and anxiety and I work with children and young people to help them to cope with whatever is bothering them. Do get in touch if you are worried about a child. I hold a valid DBS Certificate and I am a qualified teacher and SEN lecturer trained in counselling, as well as being a hypnotherapist. If for any reason I think that I would be unable to help your child, I would signpost you to the appropriate services.


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