​​It is hard enough being a parent at the best of times. There are so many matters to consider when it comes to our children’s physical and emotional well-being. Now Covid-19 has presented us with a massive curveball for which we were unprepared.

Spare a thought, then, for the many mums and dads who are feeling anxious and if you were not suffering from parental anxiety before, you may well be now. Anxiety is a feeling of unease or inner tension that is commonly experienced as fear or worry. A person can experience mild, moderate, or severe anxiety. It is normal to feel anxious from time to time. For example, a person may feel anxious before having a job interview or giving a speech. This form of anxiety is something that most people can identify with.

So, what is parental anxiety and how does it manifest itself? Parental anxiety is when a parent worries excessively about their child’s safety and well-being. Of course, it is only natural to be concerned about these things but when it reaches the stage that a parent just cannot stop worrying about their child, then there is a problem.

The main thing to understand about anxiety is that it can stop us from doing things. It evokes a powerful fear response in what is known as the primitive part of our brain (our fight, flight or freeze response). Commonly, this paralyses us emotionally, preventing us from doing the fear-inducing activity. Instead of facing the fear, a person avoids it. When it is parental anxiety, it can be passed from the parent to the child so that the child learns to be anxious about whatever the parent is worried about. Consequently, the child’s natural curiosity and ability to learn for themselves becomes inhibited.

Anxiety in parents and children may have peaked at the beginning of lockdown but for many it has not gone away. In fact, many parents may be experiencing increased anxiety about their children returning to school or nursery. Although the current spike in the Covid-19 epidemic is waning, we have been warned by the government to be “alert”  so the fear remains that the “R” rate could rise again and we could find ourselves and our children at an increased risk of infection.

How do we navigate our way through these uncertain times and manage our concerns about sending our children back into educational or childcare settings? The fact is, there is no easy answer and increased parental anxiety at this time is normal and to be expected. The following tips may be helpful:

Listen to some of the expert advice but try not to listen to too many different experts. Weigh up the options then try to go with your gut feeling. Do not overload your brain with too much information because that could leave you feeling overwhelmed and mentally exhausted.

Take some time out to clear your mind if you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Many parents have had their children at home for over 12 weeks now and that is beginning to take its toll. We cannot make good decisions when we are feeling stressed, tired, or hungry.

Once you have decided whether or whenever to send your child back to school, try to stick with your decision. It is important to provide children with a clear message and boundaries. This helps children to feel safe and secure.

Be aware that older children may have their own opinions and thoughts about returning to school. Engage them in the conversation and allow them to express their concerns.

Whatever your worries about your child returning to school, they will be in safe hands. Schools are working hard to ensure that they an implement social distancing safely.

Try to come across as calm and reassuring. If you appear calm and matter of fact, then your child will be less likely to feel stressed or anxious.

Be aware that following several weeks at home, younger children may be prone to separation anxiety. Your child may appear clingy and unwilling to leave your side, fearful of being away from you and the familiar home environment. If this happens, inform your child’s form teacher about it. Often schools can help with this kind of behaviour. You can help by reassuring your child that you will be thinking about them during the school day and looking forward to picking them up at home time.

Many children are looking forward to returning to school and seeing their classmates or doing their favourite activities. You will need to make your child aware that things may be different, as children could be organised into “social bubbles” that may not include their friends. Some of the lessons or activities they previously enjoyed may not be on the curriculum. Your child’s school will advise you about how they are managing the situation.

Be positive about the many good things about being able to go back to school and support your child by answering any questions they may have or any fears they may wish to express.
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We are in a situation that is fluid. Things change from one week to the next. Learning to cope with uncertainty in life is a useful life skill for all of us whatever our age. Fortunately, human beings are adaptable and the young even more so.

If you are struggling with stress or anxiety, including parental anxiety, do get in touch:

Email: td@tracydanielstherapies.co.uk
Mobile: 07856 201869
Message: www.facebook.com/TracyDanielsTherapies

This article can also be found at: 
https://magazines.raring2go.co.uk/bournemouth/summer/
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© Copyright Tracy Daniels 2020 |  All Rights Reserved

​I know it is a cliché to say that being a parent is the toughest job in the world, but it’s true! No other role is more challenging, rewarding, demanding, heart-breaking or satisfying than being a parent. It brings a range of strong, powerful emotions and sometimes it can be overwhelming.

Today is Global Day of Parents, as declared by the United Nations in honour of parents throughout the world - a day when we recognise that the family, however it is constructed, has the main responsibility for raising children.

Parents usually play the most significant role in a child’s life. Not just nurturing and looking after children in practical ways but teaching children about rules, values and what is and it not acceptable behaviour within the family unit and within society in general. Many sociological and psychological studies of the family have examined this in detail and there are numerous books about parenting on the market. I do not wish to advise anyone about parenting but simply to recognise the importance of parents in a child’s life on this day.

This role with all its challenges is even more important and even more difficult now as we experience the COVID-19 pandemic! The stresses and strains of parenting are even greater as mums and dads are faced with so many issues and challenges:

• Deciding whether to send their children to school or continue to keep them at home.
• Maintaining a work-life balance especially when there are young children in need of attention and parents need to work from home.
• Dealing with uncertainty about income and job security.
• Coping with financial pressures and worries.
• Becoming home educators overnight.
• Managing children’s difficult behaviour because children may be feeling bored or fractious after weeks of being stuck at home away from their friends and the familiar routine of school.
• Worrying about their own health or their child’s health if they have a pre-existing health condition or the need to socially shield.
• Caring for other family members including the grandparents.
• Struggling with the symptoms of anxiety, low mood, depression, or other more serious mental health conditions which may have worsened because of the stress cause by the current crisis.
• Not sleeping well because of increased stress which in turn makes the demands of childcare more onerous.
• Trying to maintain a semblance of normality when nothing is normal anymore.

I am aware that there are many exhausted mums and dads out there, especially those who are single parents. I feel for you. Please look after yourselves. It isn’t selfish to do that - if you can possibly take some time out for you own well being then you will be in a better position to care for your children. We all need a little bit of time to rest, relax and re-charge our bodies and most importantly, our minds.

As a Clinical Solution Focused Hypnotherapist, I teach all my clients about what is known as “The 3 P’s.” Namely, Positive Interaction, Positive Action and Positive Thought. Some ideas for integrating these into your life could include: 

• Contacting a friend or loved one for a chat, socially distanced walk or online coffee morning. (Positive Interaction).
• Keeping in touch with trusted friends via social media and sharing tips for parenting. (Positive Interaction).
• Getting out in the fresh air and engaging in physical activity will help to lift your mood. (Positive Action).
• Encouraging the older children to help with the cooking, housework or DIY jobs. These are useful life skills. (Positive Action).
• Keeping a journal (just a notebook would do) to note the positive things that have happened at the end of each day. So often, we focus on what has gone wrong in life and fail to notice the good things; what is working, what is going right for us and our families. (Positive Thought).
• Reminding yourself that the most important thing in life is the love that you have for your children. It’s helpful to do this when they’re testing you to the limit. Take a moment, take a long, soothing deep breath and know that “This too shall pass.”
• Reward yourself in a safe and healthy way. It could be a long soak in the bath, making time to sit out on a sun-lounger and read a favourite book, going for a walk, run or cycle ride – whatever pleases you, do it! Psychologically, we need to reward ourselves from time to time. It helps us to keep motivated and hang on in there.

Finally, don’t forget to give yourself a pat on the back. You are amazing! You’re there for your children, day after day. Try not to knock yourself down when things go wrong, which will always happen from time to time. Build yourself up and know that you are doing the best you can in difficult and unprecedented circumstances.
 
If you find yourself struggling with anxiety including parental anxiety, health anxiety or any other form of anxiety, I am an experienced Clinical Solution Focused Hypnotherapist and mindfulness teacher with many years’ experience of using hypnotherapy or mindfulness to help people cope with anxiety and stress. I teach clients how to relax deeply, re-wire their brains by changing their thought patterns and move forward in life towards their desired future.

Email: td@tracydanielstherapies.co.uk
Mobile: 07856201869
Message: www.facebook.com/TracyDanielsTherapies
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© Copyright Tracy Daniels 2020 |  All Rights Reserved