 What is mental illness and what is mental health? I shall try to define these terms. But before I do, let me inform you that the statistics show that mental health problems are prevalent in British society. According to the mental health charity Mind: “1 in 4 people will experience a mental health problem of some kind each year in England. 1 in 6 people report experiencing a common mental health problem (like anxiety and depression) in any given week in England)." 1 Common forms of mental illness Interestingly, it is estimated that as many as 8 in 100 people in the UK overall are affected by anxiety and depression. Most people who experience mild or moderate anxiety and depression can function in their everyday lives to a greater or lesser extent. However, severe anxiety and depression are extremely debilitating conditions that can ruin a person’s life and prevent them from participating in society. People with severe symptoms are often “invisible” because they may rarely be seen out and about. Few members of the public understand just how disabling mental illness can be unless they have experienced it themselves or have a family member who is chronically ill. Other forms of mental illness include a range of clinical diagnoses such as Mixed Anxiety and Depression, Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Phobias, Panic Disorder, Eating Disorders, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Anti-Social Personality Disorder (ASPD). According to the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE), the most common mental health problems include depression, GAD, social anxiety disorder, panic disorder, OCD, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Severe forms of mental illness The most severe forms of mental illness are categorised as being serious mental illnesses. These are the disorders that produce the symptoms of psychosis and include Schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder as well as severe forms of other disorders, such as major depression and Bipolar Disorder. Living with and caring for a person with a severe mental illness can be extremely difficult and challenging. Unsurprisingly, many carers are vulnerable to experiencing depression and anxiety because of many different factors, not least of all the relative social isolation that often accompanies their personal circumstances. So, what is it to be mentally healthy? Now that we know what conditions are defined as forms of mental illness, I would like to define what is meant by mental health. Firstly, it is worth mentioning that in general I find most people would prefer to talk about mental health rather than mental illness, perhaps because that feels easier given the stigma associated with mental illness. Sometimes the two terms “mental illness” and “mental health” are used interchangeably, and they have almost become synonymous. However, being mentally ill is obviously quite different to being mentally healthy. Mental health, in my opinion, is more than simply the absence of mental illness. It can include all the positive activities, habits and behaviours that demonstrate the presence of mental well being and stability. These activities, habits and behaviours may have a proven positive effect in as much as not only do they show that a person is mentally healthy, but they may also help a person to maintain good mental health and prevent mental health problems. Behaviours, activities, and emotional processes A discussion of mental health needs to include the key positive mental and emotional behaviours that so many of us can take for granted in our everyday lives. Such things as being able to sleep well at night, being able to function during the day and maintain mental focus on everyday tasks, being able to maintain a routine, being able to maintain healthy relationships and friendships, being able to regulate our mood and control our feelings and so on. These are the “normal” things about which we barely give a second thought, but we would surely notice if we found we could not do them anymore. Any number of a range of mental illnesses or psychological disorders could disrupt a person’s ability to function normally. In fact the World Health Organization, of which we have heard a great deal since the onset of Covid-19, states that: “Mental health is a state of well-being in which an individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively, and is able to make a contribution to his or her community.” 2 Characteristics of a mentally healthy person Perhaps just as important though, are the characteristics of a mentally well person and the ability of that person to seek fulfilment in life, whatever that means to him or her personally. For one person that may mean climbing the corporate ladder to the very top, whereas for someone else it could be finding pride and satisfaction in growing their own fruit and vegetables. Neither does it matter if a person is an introvert or an extrovert. The characteristics of a mentally healthy person include having a sense of belonging, having a sense of self and healthy self-esteem, being able to laugh at themselves, feeling comfortable in the company of others, being able to form lasting friendships and relationships and feeling in control of their emotions so that they are not overwhelmed by powerful feelings such as anger, jealously, anxiety and so on. Anyone can succumb to a mental illness Any one of us could develop a mental illness at any point in our lives. Mental illness is not something that affects only certain people and not others, although biological and environmental factors do have a part to play. Life could be going wonderfully well until something goes wrong. For instance, it could be an unexpected physical illness, finding out that a partner is having an affair or being made redundant. Suddenly life can change drastically, just as a wheel turns either in one direction or the other. These profound life changes can throw a person off balance and into a state of low mood or anxiety. It might be difficult to sleep at night, insomnia could set in, loss of appetite or eating too much, losing interest in going out and seeing friends or family. A person can quickly spiral downwards, and low mood can progress into full blown depression. I would like people to aware of this and to never take their mental health for granted, neither to judge or fear someone whose mental health has broken, who has become mentally ill. References for statistics 1. https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/statistics-and-facts-about-mental-health (Copyright Mind) 2. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/mental-health- strengthening- our-response For further help and information
To find out more: Text or ring: 07856 201869 or Email: td@tracydanielstherapies.co.uk Message: facebook.com/TracyDanielsTherapies Or click on the link: Contact © Copyright Tracy Daniels 2020 | All Rights Reserved
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 The issue that has consumed my time and energy significantly during my life and for my family has been mental health. Mental health matters and mental illness have been a continuous theme, and I suppose it was inevitable that I would eventually choose to work in the sector. The 10th October was only ever important to me because it is my birthday, so I find it is one of life’s tragic ironies that this date is designated World Mental Health Day. For most of my life I have experienced the heartache and pain that mental illness can bring as close family members have struggled with their symptoms. During times of extreme stress, I have experienced my own difficulties, depression and anxiety, which I have thankfully overcome without requiring psychiatric intervention. I suppose I am one of the more fortunate ones, strong enough to get back up again when I fall – one of life’s survivors. Many are not so fortunate, fall and break and never recover, never find their feet in the world again or succumb to their symptoms rather than face a life of continuous mental torture. Sadly, for some people suicide is the only solution that they can identify for themselves when stuck in the pit of deep despair. Amidst my upbeat posts on social media is a message that I am trying to get across to anyone who is suffering. That message is simply that life is worth living if you can manage to keep going, to trust that things may improve, though nobody can promise you that, let’s be real. But maybe, just maybe, things will improve, you may start to feel a little better and that process may gain momentum. Oh yes, there will be ups and downs, but what if you find that you can cope just a little bit better with the low times than before? Perhaps you might be feeling just a little bit stronger within yourself; a little bit more centred, more grounded, calmer and what bothered you so much before doesn’t quite shake you off balance anymore. And it is these tiny steps that matter – these small, almost insignificant steps forward that eventually add up and become compounded to make all the difference. So, if there’s just one thing I want anyone who is suffering from a mental health problem to do now it is NOT to lose hope. More than that, try with love and compassion for yourself, to allow a space in your heart for hope to reside. Make a home for it and cherish it like a beautiful, precious flower. Allow it to blossom and bloom and one day you may find yourself free of those unpleasant symptoms that plague your life or at least more able to mange them and find pleasure again in being alive. So be hopeful and cherish that feeling, believe in yourself and your body and mind’s potential for healing and never give up on yourself. If you or someone you know is suffering from acute mental health symptoms, such as psychosis or suicidal thoughts, seek medical help urgently. Contact your GP or your local community mental health service. I help people who are suffering from mild to moderate symptoms of a wide range of emotional and mental health conditions. I have chosen to specialise in the treatment of stress, anxiety and associated conditions including low mood because that is something I know a great deal about. To find out more: Text or ring: 07856 201869 or Email: td@tracydanielstherapies.co.uk Message: facebook.com/TracyDanielsTherapies Or click on the link: Contact © Copyright Tracy Daniels 2020 | All Rights Reserved  Most of our children and young people are returning to school over the course of this week and next week. Many of them will be happy to get back into the routine of school life and seeing their friends and classmates again on a regular basis. Most parents and carers will be feeling relieved that they can get back to something resembling normality. However, for a significant minority of children and young people the return to school life will be fraught with anxiety. These are the children who are prone to suffering from anxiety disorders, who may have been bullied in the past, who may be highly sensitive or who may have additional needs such as Autistic Spectrum Disorder. Daily school life for these children is not easy and what other children take in their stride, these children may find difficult and emotionally challenging. Separation Anxiety Separation anxiety is part of the normal developmental process usually displayed between the ages of six months to three years. However, when it is present in older children, adolescents, and adults then it is not normal behaviour and it is pathological. It is a known as Separation Anxiety Disorder (SAD). SAD is the most common form of anxiety exhibited in children which may become more prevalent following the prolonged period of absence from school, because of the coronavirus crisis. Separation anxiety disorder arises when a child displays an abnormal level of distress and emotional discomfort about being separated from a primary caregiver or someone that the child is strongly attached to emotionally and/or the home environment. There is a fair degree of overlap between anxiety and mood disorders amongst all age groups. If left untreated, separation anxiety disorder in children can develop into a more serious anxiety condition known as School Refusal (formerly called School Phobia) or General Anxiety Disorder (GAD). Excessive Distress When it comes to school, the child is likely to display an excessive level of distress about leaving the home environment, parent, or caregiver. In the present circumstances, it would be perfectly normal and natural for any child to experience some degree of stress about returning to school this September. We are navigating our way through a global pandemic after all and there is nothing normal about the ever-changing situation that we are all having to deal with. Uncertainty, questions, worries, and general anticipatory uneasiness amongst our children and young people before returning to school is perfectly normal. Getting back into the routine of school life, lessons and learning is likely to be more challenging for some than others and children will need to engage in a process of “learning recovery” which could take a few weeks. Children may seem a little grumpy, restless, and frustrated at times until they become orientated back into school life. Their body clock may need to adjust to the routine of getting up early for school, especially if they have not been getting up at the same time as before during lockdown. There is likely to be a bumpy ride ahead for some parents and children, but if a child is experiencing a disproportionate level of stress about returning to school or being at school and if this persists for more than the first month, then it is imperative to seek help. Unfortunately many psychological disorders begin to emerge in childhood. Common Signs and Symptoms Common signs of anxiety in children including school refusal behaviour include: Frequent headaches. Frequent stomach aches. Sleep difficulties. Tears and tantrums before school. Feeling nauseous before school or at school. Feeling faint or dizzy before school or at school. Clingy behaviour. Repeatedly asking to stay at home. Inability to concentrate on studies and engage in learning. Frequently needing to leave class to go to the loo or to see the school nurse. Never wanting to participate in extracurricular activities. Changes in eating habits. Mood swings. Disruptive behaviour at school or refusal to attend school altogether. Parents need to be aware that some children will hide their difficulties. They will not have the emotional and cognitive maturity to realise for themselves that they are struggling. Somehow, they may feel different from everybody else and wonder why they just do not quite fit in. What may seem to be “bad” behaviour, tantrums, and meltdowns, could in fact be an expression of the emotional distress that a child is experiencing. When a child is being angry, difficult, and uncooperative it can feel overwhelming for the parent. Challenging behaviour is just that – challenging! It is so easy to blame the child or to label the child as naughty or badly behaved, but we need to be aware that there could be a serious underlying problem. In instances like this it may be useful to have a chat with your family doctor, your child’s form teacher or pastoral support worker. General Advice I have offered some general advice in my previous blogs about parenting and the coronavirus. Briefly, here are a few tips that you could use to help children cope: Keep talking to your child about the situation at their school and provide them with the basic facts that you will have been given by your child’s school. Try to find out what they are thinking. It is important to fill in any gaps in their understanding. Children can pick up information that is incorrect, misleading and fear inducing. Listen to your child and validate their feelings, tell them that you understand what is bothering them, then try to create a sense of safety and security. See if you can come up with some strategies for coping with their fears or anxieties. If your child is asking questions, then try to deal with them. Do not go into too much detail but try to allay any fears and provide realistic reassurance. Be mindful of your own behaviour. We can underestimate our children’s understanding and sensitivity to our emotions. Children instinctively pick up on our feelings, noticing things such as our tone of voice, facial and body language. They look to us to assess the extent to which a situation is safe or dangerous. A calm, rational adult who can maintain a reassuring manner is what children need. A Solution Focused Approach from a Solution Focused Therapist Try to help your child take a solution focused approach to the challenges ahead. Instead of focusing on the problem, fears and worries try to focus on anything positive that the child can identify about returning to school:
Asking your child solution focused questions can also be helpful. It would be useful to do this before your child’s first day at school, but it can be done at any time. Some questions might be:
This is a noticeably different approach to endlessly dwelling on the perceived negative aspects of returning to school. It is important to keep things in perspective and not to allow a child’s imagination run away with itself. In general, most schools are very well prepared for the children returning to education this month and teachers, many who are parents too, will be only too aware of children’s concerns. Schools are communities and children often look out for one another. Fostering a supportive environment both at home and at school can help children to feel safe, calm, and relaxed. A Helping Hand If you feel that you need support as a parent, then I am here to help. I am a mother, a caregiver, a qualified FE (SEN) Lecturer, experienced Clinical Solution Focused Hypnotherapist and Mindfulness teacher with many years’ experience of using hypnotherapy or mindfulness to help people cope with anxiety and stress. I teach clients how to relax deeply, re-wire their brains by changing their thought patterns and move forward in life towards their desired future. To find out more: Text or ring: 07856 201869 or Email: td@tracydanielstherapies.co.uk Message: facebook.com/TracyDanielsTherapies Or click on the link: Contact © Copyright Tracy Daniels 2020 | All Rights Reserved  How do you feel about exercise? You may enjoy it, or you may hate it. You may think that it is something for other people, but not something that you would do and if you’re anything like me, P.E. at school left me feeling that I was no good at sport and that put me off exercise for a very long time. Although always a physically active person, I got into exercise and fitness relatively late in life when it was something that I had to do as part of my rehabilitation from major spinal surgery, then again a few years later when recovering from a knee operation. Now, knowing what I do about my body and how to look after it, there is no going back. Exercise is an integral part of my life. If I can do it, so can you. There’s no time like the present Public Health England has published a press release which confirms that “being obese or excessively overweight increases the risk of severe illness and death from COVID-19.” (Public Health England, 25 July 2020). Based upon clinical data, the report does not suggest that people who are overweight are at greater risk of contracting COVID -19, but that they are at greater risk of developing complications, becoming seriously ill and being admitted to intensive care, in comparison to those with a healthy body mass index. A good reason to try to lose weight and maintain a healthy lifestyle. Given the current situation, probably one of the best things you can do for your health is to engage in regular exercise. Being physically active, fit, and healthy also helps the immune system to function more effectively and efficiently and that surely is something to aim for. Look after your body and your mind Exercise is also a great way to manage stress and look after your mental health. The wonderful thing about exercise is that it releases chemicals within the brain that help us to feel positive, uplifted, and motivated. These chemicals (neurotransmitters) include endorphins, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, all of which play an important part in regulating mood. Exercise has numerous benefits for our physical and mental health. Here are just a few of them:
Need I say more! As we get older many of us learn not to take our bodies for granted. Things that were once easy become challenging and who would want to go into old age with pain, disability, or more serious conditions, that possibly could be avoided? There’s something for everyone I always recommend exercise to my clients. I suggest trying to identify some form of exercise that you find enjoyable. You wouldn’t want to do something that you don’t enjoy after all, although it can be fun and interesting to try different activities, especially if you don’t know where to start. Contact your local gym or leisure centre to find out what is available in your area. Given the range of different forms of movement and exercise available nowadays, from yoga to Zumba, spin classes to weight training, there’s something for everyone. Hypnotherapy can help you to get fitter and healthier As a Clinical Solution Focused Hypnotherapist, I take time to get to know my clients, explain to them how their brain and mind works in ways that are helpful, but sometimes become a hindrance. I help my clients to define, clarify and fulfil their intentions, aspirations, and goals. I do this by working closely with each person to break these down into small, manageable, and achievable steps. Negative thinking about any situation, including exercise and leading a more healthy lifestyle, can be reframed from a “I can’t do this” attitude, to a “I can try this” attitude, until we eventually reach the stage of “I can do this!” Using the power of the subconscious mind through hypnosis and positive visualisations helps re-wire and train the brain to focus on the solutions that we want in life. Helping people to find and maintain the motivation to achieve their personal intentions and aspirations, is at the heart of my work and something that brings me immense personal satisfaction. Always seek medical advice if you have not exercised before and if you feel unwell. This article was published by the Hypnotherapy Directory (@UK_Hypnotherapy) on 25 July 2020. The link can be found here: https://www.hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk/memberarticles/how-hypnotherapy-can-help-us-to-exercise-and-lead-healthier-lives?fbclid=IwAR3hUT6ihqTJw3rappARtAOd2C7jV138OdyrRMfgu04b5GmYFy3UyxukJZA © Copyright Tracy Daniels 2020 | All Rights Reserved  There can be no doubt that carrying excess weight is detrimental to our health. There is plenty of scientific evidence to support that fact. However, a recently published government report stated that, “being obese or excessively overweight increases the risk of severe illness and death from COVID-19.” (Public Health England, 25 July 2020). Based upon clinical data, the report does not suggest that people who are overweight are at greater risk of contracting COVID -19, but that they are at greater risk of developing complications, becoming seriously ill and being admitted to intensive care, in comparison to those with a healthy body mass index. The unfortunate facts and figures Consequently, the government has decided to launch a “Better Health” campaign to encourage people to lose weight and save the NHS time and money. A worthwhile thing to do, I am sure you will agree, but whilst we wait for this to be made available to the public, I wonder how effective it will be, to what extent it will be tailored to people’s individual needs and whether it will tackle the underlying causes of obesity, which are often complex. According to government data, two-thirds (63%) of UK adults are above a healthy weight, with 36% overweight and 28% obese. One study found that for people with a BMI of 35 to 40, risk of death from COVID-19 increases by 40% and with a BMI over 40 by 90%, compared to those not living with obesity. Other data found that in intensive care units, 7.9% of critically ill patients with COVID-19 had a BMI over 40 compared with 2.9% of the general population. ((Public Health England, 25 July 2020). This as well as all the other risk factors to health, has surely got to be a strong incentive to do something about excess weight. I understand that dieting and making lifestyle changes is not easy and I appreciate that many people struggle to do this and need some help along the way. For this reason, I produced “Weight Loss – A Mindset Approach” course to help people learn about the physical and emotional mechanisms that drive them to eat excessively. You will learn why people find it difficult to keep the weight off in the long term. My four-session mind-based course is based upon clinical hypnotherapy, psychology, and neuroscience. It is particularly relevant for those who have tried slimming clubs, calorie counting and various diets which appear successful for a while, only to find that the weight creeps back on over time. Diets have been shown not to work in the long term, so I teach people how to change their mindset and their eating habits in a way that can become long lasting. Sadly, maintaining a healthy weight can become a lifelong battle. A constant cycle of dieting, successfully losing weight then regaining it all and sometimes more, over time. I want people to be able to identify whatever triggers their bad eating habits, change the way they think about food but still enjoy it. I don’t promise that it will be easy, but neither will it be so difficult that it is unachievable. I can help you to get fitter and healthier I work in an integrated way, drawing upon my skills and knowledge in hypnotherapy, mindfulness, counselling, wellness, and teaching. I deliver my course to small groups in person, online and on a one to one basis. The choice is yours. When working one to one, I can really get to know you, delve into the emotions and behaviours behind your eating patterns and tailor the sessions to meet your individual needs. During this interactive course you will learn: 🔹 How to change your relationship with food by understanding and changing your relationship with yourself. 🔹 Look at your underlying attitudes and beliefs about the food you eat and learn how to change these by re- wiring your brain using proven mind-based techniques and solution focused hypnotherapy. 🔹 Start to feel better about yourself, your relationship with food and your ability to take control over your eating habits from the first session. You will receive: 🔸 Three taught sessions lasting at least an hour each. 🔸Course notes and guidance documents. 🔸 A hypnotherapy recording to enhance your motivation. 🔸 A private one to one solution focused therapy follow-up session. Working on a one to one basis, the course can be done over a longer period if you wish and additional modules can be included. My approach is positive, and it involves helping you to achieve your best hopes for the future. None of us want to face the possibility of pain, disability, or life-threatening medical conditions that may be avoided. Whereas, improving one’s quality of life, reducing the risk serious disease and mobility difficulties as we get older, is surely something to aim for. Let’s work together to help you become the version of you, that you want to be. To find out more: Text or ring: 07856 201869 or Email: td@tracydanielstherapies.co.uk Message: facebook.com/TracyDanielsTherapies Or click on the link: Contact © Copyright Tracy Daniels 2020 | All Rights Reserved  It is hard enough being a parent at the best of times. There are so many matters to consider when it comes to our children’s physical and emotional well-being. Now Covid-19 has presented us with a massive curveball for which we were unprepared. Spare a thought, then, for the many mums and dads who are feeling anxious and if you were not suffering from parental anxiety before, you may well be now. Anxiety is a feeling of unease or inner tension that is commonly experienced as fear or worry. A person can experience mild, moderate, or severe anxiety. It is normal to feel anxious from time to time. For example, a person may feel anxious before having a job interview or giving a speech. This form of anxiety is something that most people can identify with. So, what is parental anxiety and how does it manifest itself? Parental anxiety is when a parent worries excessively about their child’s safety and well-being. Of course, it is only natural to be concerned about these things but when it reaches the stage that a parent just cannot stop worrying about their child, then there is a problem. The main thing to understand about anxiety is that it can stop us from doing things. It evokes a powerful fear response in what is known as the primitive part of our brain (our fight, flight or freeze response). Commonly, this paralyses us emotionally, preventing us from doing the fear-inducing activity. Instead of facing the fear, a person avoids it. When it is parental anxiety, it can be passed from the parent to the child so that the child learns to be anxious about whatever the parent is worried about. Consequently, the child’s natural curiosity and ability to learn for themselves becomes inhibited. Anxiety in parents and children may have peaked at the beginning of lockdown but for many it has not gone away. In fact, many parents may be experiencing increased anxiety about their children returning to school or nursery. Although the current spike in the Covid-19 epidemic is waning, we have been warned by the government to be “alert” so the fear remains that the “R” rate could rise again and we could find ourselves and our children at an increased risk of infection. How do we navigate our way through these uncertain times and manage our concerns about sending our children back into educational or childcare settings? The fact is, there is no easy answer and increased parental anxiety at this time is normal and to be expected. The following tips may be helpful: Listen to some of the expert advice but try not to listen to too many different experts. Weigh up the options then try to go with your gut feeling. Do not overload your brain with too much information because that could leave you feeling overwhelmed and mentally exhausted. Take some time out to clear your mind if you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Many parents have had their children at home for over 12 weeks now and that is beginning to take its toll. We cannot make good decisions when we are feeling stressed, tired, or hungry. Once you have decided whether or whenever to send your child back to school, try to stick with your decision. It is important to provide children with a clear message and boundaries. This helps children to feel safe and secure. Be aware that older children may have their own opinions and thoughts about returning to school. Engage them in the conversation and allow them to express their concerns. Whatever your worries about your child returning to school, they will be in safe hands. Schools are working hard to ensure that they an implement social distancing safely. Try to come across as calm and reassuring. If you appear calm and matter of fact, then your child will be less likely to feel stressed or anxious. Be aware that following several weeks at home, younger children may be prone to separation anxiety. Your child may appear clingy and unwilling to leave your side, fearful of being away from you and the familiar home environment. If this happens, inform your child’s form teacher about it. Often schools can help with this kind of behaviour. You can help by reassuring your child that you will be thinking about them during the school day and looking forward to picking them up at home time. Many children are looking forward to returning to school and seeing their classmates or doing their favourite activities. You will need to make your child aware that things may be different, as children could be organised into “social bubbles” that may not include their friends. Some of the lessons or activities they previously enjoyed may not be on the curriculum. Your child’s school will advise you about how they are managing the situation. Be positive about the many good things about being able to go back to school and support your child by answering any questions they may have or any fears they may wish to express. We are in a situation that is fluid. Things change from one week to the next. Learning to cope with uncertainty in life is a useful life skill for all of us whatever our age. Fortunately, human beings are adaptable and the young even more so. If you are struggling with stress or anxiety, including parental anxiety, do get in touch: Email: td@tracydanielstherapies.co.uk Mobile: 07856 201869 Message: www.facebook.com/TracyDanielsTherapies This article can also be found at: https://magazines.raring2go.co.uk/bournemouth/summer/ © Copyright Tracy Daniels 2020 | All Rights Reserved  I know it is a cliché to say that being a parent is the toughest job in the world, but it’s true! No other role is more challenging, rewarding, demanding, heart-breaking or satisfying than being a parent. It brings a range of strong, powerful emotions and sometimes it can be overwhelming. Today is Global Day of Parents, as declared by the United Nations in honour of parents throughout the world - a day when we recognise that the family, however it is constructed, has the main responsibility for raising children. Parents usually play the most significant role in a child’s life. Not just nurturing and looking after children in practical ways but teaching children about rules, values and what is and it not acceptable behaviour within the family unit and within society in general. Many sociological and psychological studies of the family have examined this in detail and there are numerous books about parenting on the market. I do not wish to advise anyone about parenting but simply to recognise the importance of parents in a child’s life on this day. This role with all its challenges is even more important and even more difficult now as we experience the COVID-19 pandemic! The stresses and strains of parenting are even greater as mums and dads are faced with so many issues and challenges:
I am aware that there are many exhausted mums and dads out there, especially those who are single parents. I feel for you. Please look after yourselves. It isn’t selfish to do that - if you can possibly take some time out for you own well being then you will be in a better position to care for your children. We all need a little bit of time to rest, relax and re-charge our bodies and most importantly, our minds. As a Clinical Solution Focused Hypnotherapist, I teach all my clients about what is known as “The 3 P’s.” Namely, Positive Interaction, Positive Action and Positive Thought. Some ideas for integrating these into your life could include:
Finally, don’t forget to give yourself a pat on the back. You are amazing! You’re there for your children, day after day. Try not to knock yourself down when things go wrong, which will always happen from time to time. Build yourself up and know that you are doing the best you can in difficult and unprecedented circumstances. If you find yourself struggling with anxiety including parental anxiety, health anxiety or any other form of anxiety, I am an experienced Clinical Solution Focused Hypnotherapist and mindfulness teacher with many years’ experience of using hypnotherapy or mindfulness to help people cope with anxiety and stress. I teach clients how to relax deeply, re-wire their brains by changing their thought patterns and move forward in life towards their desired future. Email: td@tracydanielstherapies.co.uk Mobile: 07856201869 Message: www.facebook.com/TracyDanielsTherapies © Copyright Tracy Daniels 2020 | All Rights Reserved  Many parents and children are feeling more anxious and our mood may have declined. We have been faced with a threat to our survival and we are unable to engage in many of the positive social activities that we enjoy. Not only are we affected as adults, but our children are affected too, perhaps more than we may realise. Lockdown restrictions are being eased, but it could be quite some time before life returns to anything resembling normal and our children are able to return to school or play in groups with their friends. Briefly, here are a few tips that you could use to help children cope: Keep talking to your child about the situation and provide them with the basic facts. Try to find out what they are thinking. It is important to fill in any gaps in their understanding. Children can pick up information that is incorrect, misleading and fear inducing. If your child is asking questions, then try to deal with them. Do not go into too much detail but try to allay any fears and provide realistic reassurance. Be mindful of your own behaviour. We can underestimate our children’s understanding and sensitivity to our emotions. Children instinctively pick up on our feelings, noticing things such as our tone of voice, facial expressions and body language. They look to us to assess the extent to which a situation is safe or dangerous. A calm, rational adult who can maintain a reassuring manner is what children need. Sometimes we have to fake it! Coping with children being off school for a prolonged period is not easy. What can you do?
Finally, nothing lasts forever, and this too shall pass. Remind yourself and your children that eventually the situation will improve. Try to be optimistic. © Copyright Tracy Daniels 2020 | All Rights Reserved   This is an amalgamation of my recent posts about how to cope with lockdown. It also covers general tips for maintaining good mental health in any circumstances. Maintain a routine Maintaining a routine is important for your health. Our brains are hard-wired to expect our routines to continue. When those routines are disrupted it can be very confusing. You may have established a new routine and that is fine, if it works well for you. However, if you are lacking a routine then I suggest trying to outline some sort of structure to your day. I like to write things down, so I find it helpful to make a note each night of the things that I would like to do during the next day and to prioritise them. This provides a framework with which to structure the day ahead. Try to maintain a routine of getting up at a similar time each morning, getting washed and dressed, having regular mealtimes, established times for work or chores, regular times for exercise, relaxation and most importantly sleep. This is helpful because it helps you to stay calm, in control, and reduce feelings of anxiety and low mood.  Connect with positive people Be aware of negative people. You know who they are – the ones who are always moaning and the complaining. They are obviously feeling low, but their negativity is almost as contagious as the corona virus itself! Being in the company of negative people will lower your mood, increase your anxiety and make you feel even worse about the current situation. If possible, take yourself away from these people, whether they are in direct contact with you, or online via social media. Instead, try to seek out the company of people who are positive, helpful and optimistic. If you are unable to do this, then you could read an entertaining book or try to watch programmes or listen to broadcasts that are calming and uplifting.  Make your home a sanctuary There are many therapeutic benefits to making your home comfortable and attractive. Not only does this create a more pleasant environment in which to live but it can also lift your mood and help you to feel calm and relaxed. As we are all spending more time at home during lockdown, this could be an opportunity to do something positive by doing whatever you can to make your home a pleasing and comfortable place. I have been busy spring cleaning and decluttering recently and it’s very satisfying to see the difference in my own home. My therapy room is looking lovely but alas I can only see clients online via Zoom for the time being.  Do some gardening If you are fortunate enough to have a garden, then gardening is an activity that has a surprising number of health benefits. It’s definitely one of my main therapeutic activities for self-care for the following reasons:
 Exercise Exercise is a great way to manage stress and look after your mental health. The wonderful thing about exercise is that it releases chemicals within the brain that help you to feel positive, uplifted and motivated. These chemicals (neurotransmitters) include endorphins, dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin. These brain chemicals play an important part in regulating your mood. Exercise has numerous benefits for your physical and mental health. Here are just a few of them:
 Practise patience As we enter the eighth week of lockdown some people may be feeling impatient and frustrated about the current situation, wanting to get back to their normal way of life. This is perfectly understandable and normal. However, our lives remain on hold to a large extent, so dwelling on those feelings is only going to make them expand in our minds. This will not help us to cope effectively. In fact, it will make us feel more stressed. If you’re feeling like this, then see if you can try to turn things around by focusing instead on what is working for you. They say, “Patience is a virtue.” Perhaps it is, but it’s also a life skill, in my opinion; something that we can learn, that we can cultivate within ourselves through consistent practice. I find mindfulness meditation and gardening helps me to practise patience. I wonder if you could find something that could help you? It could be a form of exercise, a meditative practice, a hobby or interest, an activity such as angling or bird watching – anything that enables you to connect with a sense of stillness and inner calm. Remember, nothing lasts forever, and this too shall pass. Finally, If you are finding it difficult to cope do please get in touch with me. I am offering hypnotherapy and talking therapy online via Zoom. These online sessions can be just as effective as face to face sessions and I provide easy instructions to get you started with Zoom (which is free to use). Tel. 07856 201869 Email: td@tracydanielstherapies.co.uk © Copyright Tracy Daniels 2020 | All Rights Reserved Why do we fail with our New Year Resolutions and what can we do about it?
Christmas is over and we are already a month into the New Year. Resolutions have been made and some of us have hit the point at which we’re struggling to maintain our resolutions. It's important to recognise that personal change is not easy for most people and of course it requires motivation, commitment and perseverance. Our brains are wired for gratification and if that gratification is delayed our motivation can fall away. At some point you will have contemplated and identified your goal and decided that you are ready to change your behaviour with some awareness of the barriers that make that difficult. You will have prepared yourself and will have started to successfully implement your plan for achieving your goal, only to find that after a good start your motivation begins to wane and you fall back into old patterns of behaviour. So, what can you do about this? For a start, don’t beat yourself up about it! You’re only human and it’s okay to slip up sometimes. Let’s re-frame the thinking that is applied to a notion of failure: Instead of saying to yourself, “This is hopeless. I will never achieve my goal,” try to think something along the lines of, “Okay, so I slipped up yesterday but today is a new day and another opportunity to get things right.” Imagine that you’re pressing a reset button in your mind. Often people are unable to achieve their goals because they have not fully prepared themselves at the initial stage. Laying a solid foundation for change in ourselves is essential. This could involve the following activities:
Once you have a good foundation in place it is time to put your plan into action. At this stage it is useful to think about how you may reward yourself as you begin to reach your targets. For example, if you have managed to lose a kilogram in weight, how are you going to reward yourself for that achievement? It wouldn’t be a good idea to treat yourself with food, but you could treat yourself to a healthy activity that you enjoy. Consider putting some strategies into place for occasions when you might feel tempted. Again, if you are trying to lose weight and you are going out for dinner, you could look at the menu online in advance and decide what would be the healthiest option beforehand, thereby minimising the risk of a spur of the moment decision to make a less healthy choice. Do you know that it is normal to fail in achieving our goals? Success often requires several attempts. Most people will relapse into well-established patterns of behaviour because our brains are “hard wired” in that way. If we want to change, we need to develop and reinforce the desired behaviour repetitively in order to form new neural pathways. Unfortunately, many people become so disappointed and frustrated with themselves that they just “throw in the towel.” Don’t give up! This can be a learning opportunity; a time to review your progress so far, evaluate what worked for you, where you went wrong and consider if anything needs adjusting. Was there something that triggered your relapse? What could you do differently next time? Take some time to remind yourself of the steps taken in the planning stage and see if any improvements could be made. What steps could be taken to avoid a relapse in the future? If planning and reviewing progress is something that you find difficult then I can help you with that process. As a former SEN lecturer, I am adept at action planning and breaking goals down into smaller, achievable targets. Solution Focused Hypnotherapy is another modality that I use to help people rewire their brains and make desirable changes in their lives. Finally, please be kind to yourself. A little self-compassion can go a long way. Keep going. Every time you fall back, pick yourself up again with your goal clearly in sight. A Chinese proverb that I use to motivate myself is, “The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.” © Copyright Tracy Daniels 2020 | All Rights Reserved |
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